Being a strong willed woman, it has never been easy for me to totally submit my life to God. I’ve spent decades earning my independence after a childhood of abuse and poverty. Releasing it all to God was not at the top of my “to-do” list. Not, that I didn’t want to submit to God, but did I “really” have to submit it all? After all, I have several decades of well earned mistakes to show for my independence.
So as I stand at a cross road in my life, I find myself searching through the archives of my past and seeing nothing good to show for all I’ve seen and done. Looking into the eyes of my clones, I finally feel the tugging at my heart and the cricket on my shoulder. With walls closing in and the number in my checkbook getting smaller, it is time to face facts… I am no longer able to do this alone. Truth being, I never was. Thus, the well earned mistakes.
To be sure, we all have mistakes. Some of us more than others. Mine began at the age of 4. Yes, I said 4!! I distinctly remember the moment in time (at least the first one) that altered my ability to trust and rely on others. As a young child, the neighbor’s son violated my innocence. I remember being afraid. Though I was too young to know to call on God, I knew to go straight to my mother. The words she said changed me forever. Being a young mother herself at the time, I’m sure she didn’t realize the impact of her reaction. She assured me that “I” would go to jail if something like that ever happened again. That I was to tell no one. That is exactly what I did. Silence became my best friend and all that I could depend on. I learned then not to ask for help, not to trust those in authority, and to be tougher than the one invading my space.
So, my story begins…..