He must be gay!

07 Dec


That’s how the conversation began. We were riding down a back road headed for the school Christmas play. My three children were in the back seat (ages 9.5, 11,12) and my daughter’s friend (11) in the front.  They were laughing and giggling and doing what they always do…driving me nuts. Then suddenly the child in the front asked, “Ms Katrina, what do you call a boy when he crosses his legs?”

I had to think for a minute. Was she attempting an off-colored joke or was she hoping I would confirm her suspicions of the boy I’d heard so much about in the last few weeks. So I asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well, his voice is real high, he has long hair, and he crosses his legs.”

“So,” I respond.  If she’s thinking what I think she’s thinking, she’s going to have to spit it out.

“So, isn’t he gay?”  Yep…she said it alright. She called him out as if she really knew what was going on his young mind based on the way he sits. This is my daughter’s best friend. This topic is one that apparently stirs up a lot of emotions between the two of them. My daughter defends this young man every day…against every body. She and he aren’t particularly friends but it infuriates her the way others treat him.

The girl continued. “I think he’s gay. No one likes him. I’m not about to sit near him.”

Ok, so it’s break-check time.  Pull over the car and get face to face with these kids over such an important matter. Now, I know someone’s going to be mad at me over this before this post is finished. I’m ok with it. Can’t please everybody. But this is how I handled this particular situation with my children. You may do it differently. You may not agree with my views at all. We’ll see.

“First of all, whether he is or is not gay is absolutely none of your business. It has nothing to do with you at all, ” I tell ALL the kids leaning in to the back of my seat hanging on my every word. (about time, huh?) Now when it comes to homosexuality, I believe it’s wrong. I believe it’s a sin that angers God to no end (enough that He destroyed an entire nation over it) and that He will bring judgement to those participating. With that being said, I also went on to say this to my children, “Sin is sin. No sin is greater than the other and while homosexuality is wrong,  bullying someone just because they have a different life style or views than you do is equally as wrong.  You never have a right to be ugly to anyone simply because you don’t agree with them. And why won’t you sit next to him? Are you afraid of catching something? I’d think he’d be more afraid of sitting next to you and catching your nasty attitude.”

We all make a choice. We all have free will and while some may argue that being homosexual isn’t a choice…that really isn’t for me to decide. I don’t live their life. I don’t feel their pain or deal with the things they deal with on a daily basis.  I feel the same about drug addicts. Some people are born with an addictive nature and live their entire lives fighting it. I can’t relate so I won’t try to.

I do know that whatever someone’s choices no one has a right to disrespect them, degrade them, or mistreat them. No one.  What someone does in their own bedroom is between them and God. We all have to answer for our actions and what we’ve done in our bodies. None of us are exempt. 

As the child hung her head in sudden guilt of how she’d treated this boy, my daughter piped in from the back seat, “What you do to the least of my people you do also unto me”.  A verse we’ve quoted many times in our home.


Posted by on December 7, 2008 in encouragement


8 responses to “He must be gay!

  1. Marvin D Wilson

    December 7, 2008 at 3:43 pm

    Excellent mentoring and Momming, Kat. And kudos to Kayla also.

  2. Joyce A. Anthony

    December 7, 2008 at 5:57 pm

    This talk arose for me when my son was only five. Being “pretty” (dark wavy hair, large eyes, thick eyelashes) and dis-interested in sports, he’s always been subject to being called “she” and teasing from other kids. He was sent home from kindergarten for fighting and asked me “Mommy, what is a gay-boy?” It seems that is what one of the older kids had called him–and kept on and Shane had no clue what it was but knew he was being picked on.

    In any case, my views are a bit different than yours, Katrina. You see, Shane’s godfather (who is the best friend I have ever had) is gay. This is how I handled it: (keep in mind, he was only 5)

    “You know how Mommy and Brima love each other and show that love with things like hugging and kissing? Well, most of the time that kind of love is between a lady and a man. Sometimes, however, a lady will feel that love for another lady or a man will feel that love for another man. They feel the same way as a lady and man together and do the same things to show that love. Do you understand?”

    “Is that bad?”

    ‘Some people think so but feeling love is never a bad thing.”

    “Why do some people think it’s bad?”

    “Everybody has different ideas about what is right and wrong, but only God can decide that. Some people think it is bad because it is different and different scares them.”

    **Thinking and silence for a moment**

    “Mommy, he was wrong–I’m too young for all that love stuff. I can’t be a gay-boy!”

    “Honey, some people like to start fights. They are going to do what they can to make you mad because they know you will fight and get in trouble……(discussion turns to walking away and ignoring things”

    “Mommy….Uncle Dave and Uncle Rich are gay!”

    “Yes they are.”

    “Okay” Smiles and hugs are exchanged and he was off to play.

  3. Katrina Wampler

    December 7, 2008 at 6:03 pm

    very well handled. Very smart of your son, especially at the age of 5.

    I do realize many of us have different views on this and that is ok. My role as a mom (I believe) is not to drive judgement into their heads but to make them understand God loves us all and we have to act accordingly.

  4. Connie Arnold

    December 7, 2008 at 7:41 pm

    Thanks for sharing this post, Katrina, and Joyce for your input. In my family, we do have a relative who is gay, and I know how that affects all involved, as well as several friends who are gay. I think you both handled your answers to your children well according to how you feel. I think the most important thing is for children and all people to remember that only God can truly judge, and we should pray for others and never mistreat them for being different than we are.

  5. Katrina Wampler

    December 7, 2008 at 7:43 pm

    Very well put, Connie. You are right. Only God can judge.

  6. Katrina Wampler

    December 7, 2008 at 7:44 pm

    Just for the record, I have two very close friends that are gay. So I can relate to some degree. It doesn’t change how I view the issue but it has definitely softened my heart more so than it already was.

  7. Margaret Fieland

    December 8, 2008 at 3:51 pm

    When my youngest son was about six, we were reading a book about a boy who has asthma who happened to have two women parents. They were described in the book as “Mommy” and Susan (not her name — but it’s been a long time..). We turned the page. Susan was reading the boy a bedtime story. So C. asked, “Is she the Daddy?”
    “No,” I replied, “She’s the other Mommy.”
    Interesting to me that —
    (1) CR picked right up on the fact that they were both parents, in spite of the *very* low-key way it was presented in the text.
    (2) What he wanted to know was, what do you call her.

  8. unwriter1

    December 8, 2008 at 4:07 pm

    I don’t give a damn if they are gay, straight, black, white, republican or athiest (you spell that one). Everybody has their right to be who and what they are, no questions asked. Amber’s (my daughter) friends are mostly gay. Big fricking deal. They are nice guys. I know many of them. What they do in their prvate life is just that, private. Joyce answered it well as did you.

    I have to agree with Joyce on this (I came in after everyone else), that feeling love is never a bad thing. I happen to be very much in love with three at the same tiem. Two of them know about the other (Rose and Angie), and have no problems with it. It has been that way from day one but as of this morning, everybody is aware of it and I have two deeply in love with me and accept me unconditionally yet each knows how the other feels and has no problem with it. Unusual? very, but very heartwarming also.

    You did well


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