I was asked a question recently. A reader emailed me and wanted my opinion on a very touchy subject.
I was wondering what your take is on allowing your preteen to have a boyfriend? My daughter is 12 and already this is a topic in our home. I’d really love to hear your opinion.
Losing my mind in OH.”
I’d like to answer that here on Kat Logic for any of you that may be going through the same thing.
Dear “Losing my mind in OH”,
Dating, boyfriends/girlfriends and relationships has been a hot topic in the Wampler household since the time my kids could walk and talk. It is my firm belief that if children grow up knowing what is expected of them, the boundaries are clear and easily laid out when the time arrives.
I also have a 12 year old daughter. It has always been understood in our house that having a boyfriend/girlfriend while in school is really pointless. School is the focus not a relationship that will only stir up their immature emotions and cause stress where there shouldn’t be.
I see parents all the time allowing boyfriends/girlfriends to come in and out of their home. Allowing their children to frequent the homes of young boys and girls. Allowing your children to be involved in an emotional relationship at such a young age has (in my opinion) no positive outcome.
Children aren’t emotionally stable enough to handle the roller coaster ride of a relationship that will not last. They don’t have the forethought to understand the dangers of sex or the consequences. Not at twelve.
The average age children are becoming sexually active in this day and time has reached an all time low of 11 years old. Yes, eleven. Fifth grade. As parents, it is our job to prevent them from going down the wrong path when they are unable to make those choices on their own. Allowing them constant contact with the opposite sex (in my opinion) actually steers them in the wrong direction.
I take a very no-nonsense approach to abstenance and self respect with my children and believe dating is not healthy nor productive at a young age. So far, while my children witness their friends “dating” I have often heard them say, “that’s not a good idea”. They have great heads on their shoulders and a strong focus for what’s important for their futures. They are saving for college and their first home. I don’t believe they are missing out on anything.
Good luck with your daughter. It’s a tough world out there and we have to stay on top of it…for our kids’ sake.
If you have a question you’d like answered, please email me. I will post the answer here along with an emailed copy.
Your comments are welcomed.