Too young for a boyfriend

23 May

I was asked a question recently.  A reader emailed me and wanted my opinion on a very touchy subject.

“Dear Kat,

I was wondering what your take is on allowing your preteen to have a boyfriend? My daughter is 12 and already this is a topic in our home.  I’d really love to hear your opinion.

Losing my mind in OH.”

I’d like to answer that here on Kat Logic for any of you that may be going through the same thing.

Dear “Losing my mind in OH”,

Dating, boyfriends/girlfriends and relationships has been a hot topic in the Wampler household since the time my kids could walk and talk.  It is my firm belief that if children grow up knowing what is expected of them, the boundaries are clear and easily laid out when the time arrives.

I also have a 12 year old daughter.  It has always been understood in our house that having a boyfriend/girlfriend while in school is really pointless. School is the focus not a relationship that will only stir up their immature emotions and cause stress where there shouldn’t be.

I see parents all the time allowing boyfriends/girlfriends to come in and out of their home. Allowing their children to frequent the homes of young boys and girls.  Allowing your children to be involved in an emotional relationship at such a young age has (in my opinion) no positive outcome.

Children aren’t emotionally stable enough to handle the roller coaster ride of a relationship that will not last.  They don’t have the forethought to understand the dangers of sex or the consequences. Not at twelve.

The average age children are becoming sexually active in this day and time has reached an all time low of 11 years old. Yes, eleven. Fifth grade. As parents, it is our job to prevent them from going down the wrong path when they are unable to make those choices on their own. Allowing them constant contact with the opposite sex (in my opinion) actually steers them in the wrong direction.

I take a very no-nonsense approach to abstenance and self respect with my children and believe dating is not healthy nor productive at a young age.  So far, while my children witness their friends “dating” I have often heard them say, “that’s not a good idea”.   They have great heads on their shoulders and a strong focus for what’s important for their futures. They are saving for college and their first home. I don’t believe they are missing out on anything.

Good luck with your daughter. It’s a tough world out there and we have to stay on top of it…for our kids’ sake.


If you have a question you’d like answered, please email me. I will post the answer here along with an emailed copy.

Your  comments are welcomed.


Posted by on May 23, 2009 in encouragement


2 responses to “Too young for a boyfriend

  1. Flowersbyfarha

    May 23, 2009 at 3:14 am

    And, apparently the corollary question to ask is if/when one does allow daughter to date, how old is too old for the boyfriend to be.

    On THE VIEW today, Sharlene Azam (author, Oral Sex is the New Goodnight Kiss) discussed how middle school girls are being recruited into prostitution by 10th grade boys, ultimately having “not-sex” (ie, oral sex) with college “boys” and even older, middle-aged men. But from the young girls’ perspective, oral sex is not “sex” and engaging in this particular “not-sex” behaviour in exchange for clothes, jewelry, cds or other tangible goods is not prostitution because they don’t take cash. They simply see it as a means of getting what they want without making the intellectual connection to the essential meanings of sex and prostitution.

    As of this posting, the segment is not yet posted on, however you can get more info about the author, the documentary, book, and subject at

    These are topics that should be open to discussion with children from the time they are old enough to talk and ask questions.

  2. Katrina Wampler

    May 23, 2009 at 4:04 am

    Thank you so much for your comment. You are soooo right. This should be discussed as soon as your children can talk. We have been discussing oral sex, dating and everything else from day one.

    I have a real issue with parents that allow their children to intertwine their lives with someone of the opposite sex. There is no reason to allow your child to be in the other child’s home and visa versa.

    I have a friend that put her 15 yr old on birth control. She skipped the conversation on abstinence, self respect and waiting for marriage. As “old fashioned” as she says I am, there is still something to be said for teaching your child the importance of waiting.

    Thank you for sharing this clip with us.


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